My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
