How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
