pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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