If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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