i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
