Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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