I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to make a zoo with you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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