I got chris browned last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
