There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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