2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Randomize
