tonight lets celebrate not being married
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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