I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
