Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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