I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
