at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize