Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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