Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
