YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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