what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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