My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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