If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
