I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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