i love accidental penises.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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