I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
