I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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