I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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