i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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