When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
