i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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