it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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