dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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