Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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