K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
