I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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