i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
