So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
