I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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