Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
