Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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