Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
