he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
