I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
