Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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