lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His nipple licking is glorious
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