We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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