I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
where are my eyebrows?
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