Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
