I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
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He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize