hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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