Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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