i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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