Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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