HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
