Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
