she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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