It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
