Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize