You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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