Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
