I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
