uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think people are normalizing furries
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
